Ladies, I really think that we can all agree on one things – there are plenty of great, secure and emotionally available men out there. So, you shouldn’t settle for an emotionally unavailable one. Why? Well, that’s easy to answer – because this guy will never love you. In a relationship, when both partners are “all-in”, can be really “hard” for you. But when your man is emotionally unavailable, things are so much harder. It’s because you’re committed to making things work (1000%), but he just won’t open up.
So, just do yourself a favor and check for these signs before you get too committed.
- Your guy verbally and emotionally abuses you because he thinks you need to learn.
- Your guy accuses you of being mistrusting when you ask him about other women.
- Your guy explodes when you cry or get emotional.
- Your guy isn’t interested in finding ways to “calm” your worries.
- Your guy “builds a wall” between you two, you despite your tears and pleas for his understanding and compassion.
- Your guy tells you that you are the problem, and that if you want to be with him, you have to figure out how to make him love you again.
- Your guy doesn’t respect your boundaries (emotional or physical).
- Your guy cheats and then blames you.
- Your guy takes space (more than a day or two) and doesn’t care that it hurts you.
- Your guy dumps you over and over again, and each time calls to take you back — without concern for your feelings.
- Your guy shuts down when you act panicky or insecure in the relationship.
- Your guy makes you feel like you’re always the only one apologizing.
- Your guy makes you feel like the bad guy and usually his feelings are the only ones that matter after a fight.
- Your guy doesn’t care about your feelings. He dismisses your feelings, laughs at your feelings and needs, calls you “such a woman” when you are upset, leaves the room, and/or brushes you off.
Ladies, this is very important for you to remember – if he can cry easily, it doesn’t mean that he’s compassionate. REMEMBER – sensitivity does not equal empathy. Some emotionally unavailable men are compassionate — they give to charities, they listen to their friends’ problems, they lend money to friends and family members.
You just have to look at a man’s level of compassion for another person’s feelings in moments when he’s upset. Yes, and you should always look at how he behaves when you are most needy: when your insecurities flare up or when you’re in the midst of a tough circumstance.
It’s hard to tend to your partner’s feelings when you are not in a positive emotional state. And, it’s very important for you to find a way to make space for your partner’s feelings at all times, because an ability to give when it’s hardest to do so is testament to good character.
Ladies, in my personal opinion, it’s very important for you to find a man who has a level of empathy that makes you feel loved and understood. Note: this level varies from person to person, but most women need emotional security. YES, you need to feel that your feelings matter, and to know that you’re respected. You are responsible for your actions and for communicating your needs maturely, honestly and clearly. You are responsible for respecting your partner’s feelings and needs, even if he’s not as verbally expressive as you are. You are responsible for giving a man space if he needs it or to accept that a relationship is over if he ends it.
And, one last thing – it’s not your responsibility to change a man’s lack of empathy. He can do that on his own. Remember, the more you try, the more he will turn the tables and make you feel bad about yourself.