We all know that even in the best of relationships – the feelings can change. YES, this is just a normal part of our love life. The famous expert and Dr. Jed Diamond noticed a near-universal pattern in the way lovers’ attitudes towards one another change. And, according to him, every relationship passes through 5 distinct stages.
Note: Dr. Jed explains why most people get stuck at stage #3 and how you can move past it in your relationship. So, if you want to find out more about this, please READ ON:
- Falling in Love
The first stage of love – falling in love. He says that, during the first stage, partners project their hopes and dreams onto one another. And (unfortunately) both of them believe that the other is their ideal mate who will provide them with lifelong pleasure and companionship. Hormones like oxytocin, dopamine and serotonin go wild during this stage, adding to the feeling of warmth and love. This is really amazing, right? Well, you shouldn’t dream too much, because the first stage is a trick of nature to “get humans to pick a mate so that our species carries on.”
- Becoming Partners
The second stage – becoming partners. In this stage stage, the partner=s experience less of a hormonal cocktail and more of a close, practical “connection”. This stage is also when they start to build a life together. They have kids, buy a home, line it with a white picket fence, etc. In this stage – they become one and the relationship is filled with appreciation and security. Most couples would be happy at this stage forever.
Dr. Jed calls this stage – “the beginning of the end.” He also says that everything seems to go wrong in this stage. Partners begin to feel less secure and under-appreciated. All the illusions of perfection have worn away. Most couples reach this stage and assume it’s abnormal. They assume they made the wrong decision in building a life with each other. And, this is the main reason why most couples get stuck here. Instead of seeing this stage as an opportunity to grow further, they decide to either tolerate mediocrity or call quits. But, ladies and gentlemen, the real problem is that you’ll always end up at this stage. Dr. Jed also mentioned that he went through two marriages before realizing that this stage wasn’t the time to quit. People who keep pushing through this stage, have an opportunity to become more loving and appreciative of their partner, not the projections placed on them in prior stages.
- Real Love
“Real love” is when people begin to see a link between their past and the way they act towards their partner. And, at this point, partners begin to help one another heal wounds. The love they thought had vanished returns, this time with maturity and a satisfyingly deep understanding of one another.
- “Together, We Can Change the World”
You can “stay” at stage number 4, there’s nothing wrong with that. But couples who make it to the last stage, begin to see their love affect not just their life but the lives of everyone around them. They may choose to write together, to start a charity or scholarship fund together, etc. The 5th stage is the ultimate culmination of several decades spent growing, both individually and together.