Betrayals are built on two things – deception and a yearning for emotional connection from outside the relationship. And, I really think that we can all agree on one thing – adultery is the betrayal our society focuses on, which is really bad! Why? Well, because (in my personal opinion) the subtle, unnoticed betrayals are the real relationships’ destroyers.
For example – when partners don’t choose each other day after day, trust and commitment erode away. The real and ugly truth is that they are aware of this disloyalty to each other, but don’t care about it because it’s not as bad as an affair. But, this is where they’re wrong! This is very important for you to understand – anything that violates a committed relationship’s contract of mutual trust, respect, and protection can be really bad for your relationship (and sometimes even “fatal”).
In this article we’re going to talk about 3 betrayals that ruin relationships (and it’s not cheating!):
- Emotional Cheating
We all know that it’s very easy for friends to “connect” at work, day after day. Sometimes we call this person a “work wife” or “work husband.” And sometimes, even friends made at the gym or local coffee shop can threaten the bond at home. How this works – well, these “relationships” can lead to both parties sharing intimate details about each other’s lives. That doesn’t make it a betrayal. But, if your partner would be upset by the things you’ve shared or would be uncomfortable watching the interaction – well, ladies and gentlemen, that’s a betrayal!
These are signs that your partner’s friendship is not an innocent friendship: If you answer YES to the questions below, the friendship may be too intimate.
- Has the friendship been hidden?
- Are your questions about the friendship responded with “don’t worry” or discouragement?
- Have you asked it to end, only to have your partner tell you no?
- Have your boundaries been disrespected?
- Is the friend the subject of fantasies or comments during troubled times in the relationship?
- Conditional Love
This is very important for you to remember – couples don’t feel supported when one partner keeps a foot out of the relationship. And sometimes, they don’t feel like their partner has their best interests at heart, that they have their back
Sometimes, a partner may “force” the other to marry or move in. Why? Well, that’s easy to answer. Because they think that the “next level” will deepen their connection, but it’s difficult for a marriage to succeed if it is built on a vow to create a strong bond rather than the result of one. The shallowness of the bond will eventually bleed through the connection. And, when couples ignore or dismiss talking about difficult issues, they are left with a shallow commitment. By using conflict as a catalyst for closeness, couples can intentionally use problems as an opportunity to discuss their goals, fears, and dreams.
- Emotional Withdrawal
Emotional withdrawal – sometimes, it can be something big (just like choosing a work meeting over a family funeral). But, sometimes, it can be as small as turning away when your partner needs emotional support. In a strong relationship, both partners should be there for each other through the life-altering traumas and everyday nuisances.
Everybody has different ways of expressing themselves. And, both partners should uncover and disclose these preferences to understand what the other requires to feel loved, protected, and supported. A recent study, conducted by the fampus Dr. Gottman, has discovered that happy couples turned toward each other 86 percent of the time, while unhappy couples turned towards each other only 33 percent of the time. That means unhappy couples withdraw 67 percent of the time! And, according to Dr. Gottman, if you want to improve your emotional connection, you should focus on rebuilding and updating your Love Maps, cultivating a culture of admiration and fondness, and turning towards bids more often.
Sources and References included in this article – IdeaSpot, 3 Betrayals That Destroy Relationships (Other links included in their article – The Gottman Institute, by Kyle Benson) | Kyle writes at KyleBenson.net, where he uses the science of love and life experiences to help those in troubled relationships get the love, respect, and passion they dream of.