People, let’s face it – being partnered with someone for a lifetime is a guarantee that as a couple you will face many such problems. So the problem itself is less important than the ability of the couple to work through it. Do you agree? Share your thoughts in the comment section below.
The famous psychologist John Gottman has discovered (in a 2002 study, which aimed at predicting when a couple will divorce), that contempt is a common by-product of a lack of relationship skills. Dr. Gottman also found that contempt is the strongest predictor that a couple will divorce.
Ladies and gentlemen, to evaluate if you’re in the right relationship and it is resilient and healthy, answer these five questions:
- Can you each manage your anger sufficiently to talk about a difficult problem while maintaining care toward each other?
- Can you listen to each other’s concerns and control your defensiveness?
- Are you both willing to face difficulties and change yourselves in order to sustain the relationship?
- Do you each tell the other when you’re upset or need something in the relationship to be improved?
- If your answer to any of the above questions is “no,” would you each be willing and capable of learning these things?
This is very important for you to remember – if you cannot answer the questions above with any degree of confidence, then you are not ready to make a lifetime commitment to this person. And, this also means that you should definitely consider giving the relationship more time and addressing some more concerns with your partner to see if he or she gets better at it. And, don’t be afraid to see a couples’ therapist – if you need to.
Nut, if you’re married and you have the NO answers, it doesn’t mean it has to be the end. As long as you’re both willing to learn the necessary emotion skills, your marriage can become everything you always wanted it to be.
We must admit that, unfortunately, we all have annoying habits, shortcomings, and flaws. Every relationship has issues. Some people never had the chance to learn the complex emotional and interpersonal skills that it takes to have a resilient, lasting relationship. That doesn’t make them any less lovable. At least not if they are willing to learn the skills. Thank you for reading and don’t forget to share.
Sources and References included in this article – 5 Questions to Know if You’re in the Right Relationship, By Jonice Webb PhD | Image.src | About the author – Jonice Webb has a PhD in clinical psychology, and is author of the book Running on Empty: Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect. She has been interviewed on NPR and over thirty radio shows across the United States and Canada about the topic of her book, and has been quoted as a psychologist expert in the Chicago Tribune. She currently has a private psychotherapy practice in the Boston area, where she specializes in the treatment of couples and families. To read more about Dr. Webb, her book and Childhood Emotional Neglect, you can visit her website, Emotionalneglect.com.